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Soap City Interview
SC Victoria: There is a tremendous interest on the part of the audience to make sure Ashley is portrayed as a survivor -- any use of the word "victim" or words like it draws an intense, emotional response from our viewers. As an actress, how do you come to this material when clearly, there will be times Ashley will feel both overwhelmed and overpowered by this illness and also very invested in putting up a strong fight?
Eileen: That's the joy of doing this story -- it's very real to have up days and down days. When you are dealing with something this catastrophic, it wouldn't be realistic to be showing someone always on top of things. It's impossible to come up against something this terrifying and not be frightened. I understand that the audience may be disheartened when Ashley acknowledges feeling overwhelmed or scared but for me, to do this story justice, I need to explore every part of her fear, defiance, sorrow and the pride in her own strength.
SC Victoria: It seems you want to approach this story really conscientiously. As a woman, naturally, you are going to have an affinity for the material, but I understand you have a personal connection with breast cancer.
Eileen: Yes, my grandmother had it. She survived it in the 1950s, but has since passed away. I always knew that my grandmother had her breast removed although it did not impact me personally beyond the fact I am one of five girls and I have female friends. Breast cancer is such a prevalent disease that it is in every woman's consciousness. When [the writers and producers] came to me and told me what they had in mind for Ashley, I told them, "Please, take it as far as you want. I am comfortable exploring anything including a mastectomy for the character." I see it not only as an opportunity to entertain but to also enlighten and that's very exciting to me.
SC Victoria: Tell me a little bit about the transformation you experience while sitting in front of the mirror, watching Eileen with hair become Ashley without hair. It's such an intense process, it almost seemed solemn to me.
Eileen: The process of putting on the bald cap doesn't really have anything to do with a transformation for me except that it is so time consuming and there is so much pressure on the make-up artists. I need to hold myself completely still. The bald cap itself is paper thin and so it's very difficult to work with... Whatever transformation I go through is on a totally personal level -- it's what being bald and vulnerable does for me.
SC Victoria: What does it do?
Eileen: It was very helpful. As Ashley is experiencing herself being bald, I am appearing bald in front of millions of viewers and it's a very vulnerable feeling. Women hide behind their hair -- and so this was really a trip. I really enjoyed it -- it was an interesting experience.
SC Victoria: It's hard to imagine anyone enjoying something that made them feel so vulnerable.
Eileen: I am an actress and I enjoy being able to pull up deep emotions for a scene. It's a gift when you are given something that you can easily attach yourself to.
SC Victoria: What are some of the connections you have made to this material that have affected you deeply?
Eileen: Ashley is getting older. I am getting older. It's about getting in touch with your own mortality. Since September 11th, there is a whole vibe of the fragility of life in the air. When Kay and I spoke about this months ago, I really wanted to explore what this does to Ashley as a woman: her attractiveness, how this effects her femininity, sexuality. It's making her question her morality when it comes to her child because if Ashley died, the question of Abby's paternity would die with her.
SC Victoria: Although breast cancer awareness has risen dramatically in the last ten years and more women are choosing to make public their battle with this disease, there is also an intensely personal component to it and everyone handles their fight for survival uniquely. What do you suppose will be some of Ashley's personal battles within this story?
Eileen: I guess the fact she has always been a strong individual and this thing has brought her to her knees. She is trying to maintain the strength everyone expects of her but it's made her look at things completely differently. Ashley has a lot on her plate especially when she considers her child and the secret Ashley is keeping about Abby's biological father.
SC Victoria: There are many viewers writing in to thank us for writing this story as if there remains an untapped need to connect with other people who have gone through this. What do you think are the best ways to respond to a friend or loved one who is going through their own ordeal?
Eileen: It's such a personal thing because everyone's needs are different. I think the best thing to do is help the person communicate what their needs are. Keep the communication open. I think the writers will be exploring this issue with Ashley and Brad and with Ashley and her family. Brad is having a hard time touching her -- these are the kinds of things that need to be talked about.
SC Victoria: What about when you leave the stage after a day of taping emotional, arduous scenes?
Eileen: I've been doing this a long time and I think for the most part I am able to put it away -- I bring it back out when I need to. It's emotional work and I feel a little tired sometimes. Your body doesn't know the difference between emotional work and physical work.
SC Victoria: Do you ever watch your own work on television?
Eileen: I have been watching a lot of this story and I am really happy with everything about it. The writing is beautiful, everyone involved has done a great job: Don [Brad Carlton], Jerry [Douglas, John Abbott] and Peter [Bergman, Jack Abbott] have had a lot to do, and the Abbott family has become closer in a way they haven't been in a while. I am so invested in the work I am doing that I watch because I want to make sure I am effectively communicating what I am trying to put across.
SC Victoria: Are there parts of this story that you personally hope to see explored to their fullest?
Eileen: When I found out Ashley was going to develop breast cancer, I was really hoping this would be the kind of thing that would save women's lives. To be a part of that is such a huge privilege. So, the fact that the mail reflects this is happening is very rewarding. For me, besides exploring different emotional levels, I really wanted to be in on making a difference in even one person's life. When I think about the power of one woman writing me and telling me her life was saved because of early detection, that to me is the meaning of it all. Is there anything better than saving someone's life? There isn't. I truly feel that way.
SC Victoria: I understand you got your own mammogram?
Eileen: Yes. One day while reading a script in my dressing room it dawned on me that I had been feeling a little lump in my breast for about six months and I had been totally ignoring it. So, this story made me go in and get it checked out and thankfully, I was fine. I couldn't believe I had done what so many women have done, and that is put themselves on hold and get caught up in their own busy lives. I told my doctor about my surprise that I had let it go for such a long time and she said what I had done was completely normal -- many women do the same thing. They are afraid. Women don't want to know what it could be and so they go into denial. Viewers who are watching everyday and who are devoted to the show are not going to turn off the television when this story comes on... they won't be able to escape it and so the message and information in this story will become part of their consciousness. As entertainers, I have seen what we can do with our celebrity and by bringing attention to these important issues. I have always, always wanted to be a part of something like this. This was an answer to a prayer.
By Victoria Curea
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Battling Breast Cancer
It seemed as if Ashley Carlton had a picture perfect life: a loving husband, a beautiful baby girl and a successful career. Her future was secure...until the day it was threatened with the diagnosis of breast cancer. CBS.com sat down with Ashley's portrayer, EILEEN DAVIDSON, to talk about the challenges this important storyline brings and how it has affected her personally.
CBS.com: How did you feel when the show approached you about taking on the breast cancer storyline?
EILEEN DAVIDSON: I was really excited because it just gave me a chance to do something more meaningful. I thought it might be helpful to women out there and maybe raise people's awareness. [I felt] I was able to sink my teeth into something that's juicy.
CBS.com: Did you do your own research about breast cancer?
EILEEN DAVIDSON: You know, I did talk to a few women about it, but basically I wanted to be affected by it in the same way that Ashley was. So I didn't really want to know too much about it as I went into it so that I could kind of experience it through her.
CBS.com: Have you been happy with the way that Ashley's reactions have been written?
EILEEN DAVIDSON: Yes. I think they've pretty much done it in real time. You've seen the whole progression, from her feeling low to feeling high, and then getting more bad news and feeling low again. And she's trying to deal with her femininity and her mortality, and her daughter and the relationship between her and her husband. So, I think they've done an amazingly great job about covering all the bases and not glossing [over] the details. At the same time, I know that they don't want to be too maudlin. They're walking a very fine line. I think they're doing a great job.
CBS.com: Do you think it's important to be very real about these issues?
EILEEN DAVIDSON: I think if you're going to tackle something like this then you need to do it justice for all the women that have gone through it. If you gloss over it, it's almost insulting to the people who have experienced it. [Then they'd say,] "Hey, that's not at all what this experience is like!" It is a soap opera, so on one hand, [the] Wardrobe and Make Up [Departments and I] are always kind of struggling about how good I should look in this circumstance. We're trying to dress [Ashley] down a little bit. Some days she wants to get dressed up and some days she doesn't. I'm sure women who go through this feel the same way. You struggle to want to make yourself look better. I'm not wearing as much makeup as I usually do. I'm definitely dressing down. We're trying to do that part justice by making it more real.
CBS.com: Has it been emotionally draining for you?
EILEEN DAVIDSON: Sure, sometimes. I [tape] the first few items of the day, so by eight o'clock [in the morning] I'm crying my eyes out for an hour. So, yes, it can be emotionally draining.
CBS.com: Have you had a mammogram?
EILEEN DAVIDSON: You know, I've had them for the last few years, off and on. When I was going through the storyline, I realized I had a little lump on my right breast and pretty much ignored it for the last six months. [This storyline] made me go right in and check it out, and it was nothing. But I realized it heightened my own awareness. I think women especially tend to put themselves on the backburner, and we just get busy. We don't take care of ourselves as we should. I was shocked at my own behavior. I was like, "Oh, my God!" So, in many ways, [my discovery] could have turned out to be a bad thing and this storyline would have directly affected my life. As it was, it made me take care of something that who knows how long I would have put off.
CBS.com: Has anyone in your life been affected by breast cancer?
EILEEN DAVIDSON: My grandmother had breast cancer. She survived it. I mean, she's dead now, but not because of breast cancer. She had a mastectomy in the fifties.
CBS.com: Did you ever know what she went through?
EILEEN DAVIDSON: Well, I was too young to actually be there when she went through it, but we all heard about it in the family.
CBS.com: How has the fan response been?
EILEEN DAVIDSON: I've gotten letters personally from women who did self breast exams and found problems and found out it was cancer and they had to have it removed and go through chemo[therapy]. The show's gotten e-mails and letters saying that basically the storyline saved their life. It did everything I was hoping it would do, which is very exciting. Before I even entered into [the storyline], when I heard about it I said, "I hope that this is going to help women." And it did that. I feel lucky to have been a part of the story, to have been able to portray it through the role in that capacity.
CBS.com: I've read so many e-mails from women saying, "I went to get an exam," or "I'm going to go do this now because of the storyline." It's nice to see that it's been portrayed so accurately. That must be a great feeling.
EILEEN DAVIDSON: Yes, it really is. As soon as I started getting these letters and I was contacted about all the e-mail the show was getting, I told everyone directly and indirectly involved with the storyline, behind and in front [of the camera], that we're all doing something that's incredibly worthwhile, everyone of us.
CBS.com: What's been the most challenging part about portraying this storyline?
EILEEN DAVIDSON: It's very multi-layered. The personal choices I make as an actor in terms of not feeling attractive, or feeling insecure about my sexuality, my womanhood, going through this because you don't feel good about yourself and the strain it puts on the relationship with Brad, wanting to be close, but also kind of pushing it away. I'm trying to bring in a lot of different elements and not just paint real broad strokes with this. I'm trying to bring as much as I think of how I might feel and [how] I would be struggling with a lot of issues. That's very challenging. I wonder if I have done it as well as I could when I leave. You want to be hopeful and yet you're scared to death in this situation. You want to be positive, and yet you can't help but feel like a victim. It's just juggling all these different things; wanting to feel sexy, and yet not feeling sexy, feeling guilty for not feeling sexy. I'm throwing all that in the pot. It can be very complicated.
CBS.com: How do you feel about the show tackling social or health issues?
EILEEN DAVIDSON: I'm real happy about it. I think this show has always done that. It's what it's been known for over the years. It still does do that on occasion and I'm happy that I'm a part of it. I really haven't been a part of it when I was on the show before, or this time, in this capacity. I think it was one of the things that this show should be proud of, you know? It's great that it can be an enlightening and not just an entertaining experience watching the show. It raises the level of the work.
CBS.com: Did you ever think they would choose Ashley to go through something so dramatic?
EILEEN DAVIDSON: Well, I certainly hoped so. When they asked me to come back to the show, I assumed it was because they wanted me to do something pretty deep. I was just really pleased when this finally came around. I was like, "Excellent!" I couldn't have asked for anything better.
CBS.com: What kind of transformation are we going to see her go through? I heard something about a bald cap.
EILEEN DAVIDSON: Right. Well, she loses all her hair. So you'll see everything that involves. I had lines today, saying she feels so stupid feeling so superficial, but she can't stand to take her scarf off at night. But you're dealing with mortality and so you're dealing with all these dichotomies.
CBS.com: Have you had a chance to wear the bald cap yet?
EILEEN DAVIDSON: We had a test run. It was interesting. It's so amazing because I imagine emotionally you feel so vulnerable, and physically to be bald, it's just incredibly vulnerable.
CBS.com: What was it like for you to see yourself that way?
EILEEN DAVIDSON: Well, you know, that's just you. [You see] every flaw you have even if it's not true. We feel that we hide behind our hair, and it's our protection, even if it's a fallacy. And that's what I mean by experiencing it firsthand. I'm going to feel very vulnerable as a person being out there in the bald cap in front of everybody and having the world see me bald, just like the character would.
CBS.com: What's that transformation like?
EILEEN DAVIDSON: Well, I already cut my hair once for the test. And I'm cutting it off to here [motions to her neck] for today, for the real bald cap. I never had my hair that short, and I actually had a nightmare last night. In my entire life I've only had my hair short like this, I think, one other time. I've always had long hair. This was something that I did last year, but [this new cut] is going to be completely new for me. I'm going to be going around like that for months because Ashley's hair then grows out and it has to be short. That's going to be a pretty big deal and I had a nightmare and I went "Oh, my God!"
CBS.com: It must subconsciously take over.
EILEEN DAVIDSON: Oh, absolutely. I want to do the role justice, so when they asked me, "Will you cut your hair?" I said, "Absolutely, I'll cut my hair. Whatever is going to [make] this story the best." But at the same time, I'm like, "Wow! I'm going to have really short hair. That makes me feel really vulnerable."
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